Chief’s Column: Are you being stalked?

Stalking is a crime that affects millions of victims each year. Victims may be of any age, gender or socioeconomic background. In order to educate citizens on stalking, the Grafton Police Department would once again like to offer the following information from the National Center for Victims of Crime and stalkingawareness.org.

ARE YOU BEING STALKED?

Stalking is a series of actions that make you feel afraid or in danger. Stalking is serious, often violent, and can escalate over time. A stalker can be someone you know well or not at all.

Most have dated or been involved with the people they stalk. Most stalking cases involve men stalking women, but men do stalk men, women do stalk women, and women do stalk men.

Some things stalkers do:

• Repeatedly call you, including hang-ups.
• Follow you and show up wherever you are.
• Send unwanted gifts, letters, cards, or e-mails.
• Damage your home, car, or other property.
• Monitor your phone calls or computer use.
• Use technology, including social media, to track where you go.
• Drive by or hang out at your home, school or work.
• Threaten to hurt you, your family, friends or pets.
• Find out about you by using public records or on-line search services, hiring investigators, going through your garbage, or contacting friends, family, neighbors, or co-workers.
• Posting information or spreading rumors about you on the Internet, in a public place or by word of mouth.
• Other actions that control, track or frighten you.

IF YOU’RE STALKED

You might:

• Feel fear of what the stalker will do.
• Feel vulnerable, unsafe and not know who to trust.
• Feel anxious, irritable, impatient or on edge.
• Feel depressed, hopeless, overwhelmed, tearful or angry.
• Feel stressed, including having trouble concentrating, sleeping or remembering things.
• Have eating problems, such as appetite loss, forgetting to eat or overeating.
• Have flashbacks, disturbing thoughts, feelings or memories.
• Feel confused, frustrated, or isolated because other people don’t understand why you are afraid.

THINGS YOU CAN DO

Stalking is unpredictable and dangerous. No two stalking situations are alike. There are no guarantees that what works for one person will work for another, yet you can take steps to increase your safety:

• If you are in immediate danger, call 911.
• Trust your instincts. Don’t downplay the danger. If you feel you are unsafe, you probably are.
• Take threats seriously. Danger generally is higher when the stalker talks about suicide or murder, or when a victim tries to leave or end the relationship.
• Contact a crisis hotline, victim services agency, or a domestic violence or rape crisis program. They can help you devise a safety plan, give you information about local laws, refer you to other services, and weigh options such as seeking a protection order.
• Develop a safety plan, including things like changing your routine, arranging a place to stay, and having a friend or relative go places with you. Also, decide in advance what to do if the stalker shows up at your home, work, school, or somewhere else. Tell people how they can help you.
• Don’t communicate with the stalker or respond to attempts to contact you.
• Keep evidence of the stalking. When the stalker follows you or contacts you, write down the time, date, and place. Keep e-mails, phone messages, texts, letters, or notes. Photograph anything of yours the stalker damages and any injuries the stalker causes.
• Ask witnesses to write down what they saw. Contact the police.
• Every state has stalking laws. The stalker may also have broken other laws by doing things like assaulting you or stealing or destroying your property.
• Consider getting an abuse or harassment prevention order (depending on your situation) that tells the stalker to stay away from you.
• Tell family, friends, roommates, and co-workers about the stalking and seek their support. Tell security staff at your job or school. Ask them to help watch out for your safety

IF SOMEONE YOU KNOW IS BEING STALKED, YOU CAN HELP.

Listen. Show support. Don’t blame the victim for the crime. Remember that every situation is different.

Anyone with questions for the Chief’s Column may submit them by mail to the Grafton Police Department, 28 Providence Road, Grafton, MA 01519. You may also email your questions or comments to chief@graftonpolice.com. Please include an appropriate subject line, as I do not open suspicious email for obvious reasons.

Normand A. Crepeau, Jr.

Chief of Police